Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I need another bit because i chomped through the last one

 All day I've been hopped up in anticipation of getting creative, having to spend the better part of the day cooped up in the shop slinging lattes and making friendly. Sure it was fine and i made some scratch in the process but i needed to tap into this flow and to feel more alive doing it. Ever since last week when the gears started turning and the call for some serious life change rattled my heart and mind i have been flashing heavy on the routes i can take in order to move closer to my goals. Though goals might be a loose term for me right now as I'm not too sure what they all look like yet and i prefer a softer word such as 'intention'. Things are changing rapidly and what i thought i wanted 5 years ago is so different from what I am wanting now, and in fact 5 years ago I'm not even that sure i had any clear goals intact, so content have I been spinning the wheels in my own mucky muck that goals seemed like a distraction or something to "get to eventually". But then a growing creativity happened and things started moving more as a few people close to me offered some food for thought and reminded me of just how important it is to keep the brain active and heart excited. I'm now feeling hooked on creating the life i desire and it's exciting, new, exhilarating and a little bit scary. My growing distaste for accepting anything other than that which is juicy and vital is beginning to ripple outward, growing into a tsunami of lasting change. I don't know what it is going to look like in a few years from now but i do know that eking out a living 5 days a week in some soulless environment that leaves me feeling tired, frustrated and broke would be nothing more than utter defeat. This is not the plan God has for me and it is becoming more apparent by the day that I have a gift that must be exercised on the regular and i will do everything in my power to feed that call.
 But this can't all be about career change and finding financial freedom. There is balance to be had and i am fortunate enough to have folks in my life who will remind me of this at the drop of a hat. I am aware of the dangers of taking too much on, even when it's something that comes from the heart. You can burn out on it, and eventually like those crappy jobs we tend to enslave ourselves to, resentment grows and festers into infection. I did it with yoga instruction and I've done it in my relationships. It sucks and feels like slow death. Thankfully I have always managed to find myself surrounded by reminders that balance is key, whether it be quiet lessons learned in my asana practice or those vivacious friends who seem to have 20 amazing things on the go while still maintaining the ability to just chill and drink a beer on the front porch or watch a ridiculous movie without regard for the time. This is the place I'd like to be closer to. Full but not busy and allowing myself to be supported and rested when need be. There may be no time to waste but this is still not a race to get to the finish line, if there even is one.
 So I've been playing with a few ideas about how to better enrich my life while feeding this forward moving momentum. Can I share them with you? Yeah?? Thanks!
 * I have set an intention for myself to attend at least 1 music gig a week. This Winter i feel like I lost touch with what's happening in Vancouver's local music scene and I'd like nothing more than to support some of these hard working folks making music. I've leaned too heavily on the excuse that there are simply too many bands out there which is just fucking ridiculous. If the water is deep and warm then why not swim and submerge myself in it?? Oh, and if you know me personally and we tend to hang out from time to time then please don't hesitate to come along with me or suggest gigs we can go to. The company would be rad.
* I want to write like crazy. Here, Discorder, other magazines, in birthday cards. I don't care, i just want to write and get better as i go. I'd also like to expand my horizons by trying out other forms of writing such as fiction, movie reviews etc. And yes, if i happen to get a gig writing for some big publication where I'm not selling my soul then hell fucking yeah I'm going to "sell out". But don't think of it as selling out, think of it as me buying in, ok? Don't hate, jerk.
* Spending far less time on this trusty old computer playing garbage in garbage out. I am astounded at how quickly my life rolls by when I'm spending hours surfing for nothing. Sure, i have my regular hits that I might feel slightly uncomfortable without, but do i really need to spend that hour between yoga practice and work watching classic wrestling clips on the youtubes? I think not.
* Much more reading. Man, i really LOVE to read and always have. Apparently when i was a little guy i used to read the labels of soup cans. I've graduated to bigger periodicals by this point in life but i have noticed since my acquisition of a computer and internet that my reading time has gone down significantly. This upsets me a bit and though i seem to always have at least 3 books on the go it is taking me far longer to read them these days. So along with just taking the time to read every night when i can i have decided to join my lady in her book club starting next month. For those unaware, you meet at the end of each month and have a book assigned through consensus of the group. Then you read the shit out of it and at the next meeting you discuss what you read. So not only are you stimulating your bean through reading exciting new literature, you get to hang out with book nerds and talk about the stuff you read and the impact it had. I'm down and I'm doing it.
* Creating more elegant meals. Dude, my diet is the dogs balls. I eat on the go or take what's easy all the time and for the most part i feel crappy for it. I have tasted the money saved through having a fridge full of groceries and being able to make an awesome meal with my plunder. The crazy part is that i can cook like the dickens and sometimes amaze myself at the stuff i dream up with no recipe or idea in mind. I just have a knack for food alchemy but rely on easy street food and the shit i have at work for sustenance. Excuse me but sandwiches and hot dogs are NOT food. I live with 6 other people who cook fresh wholesome meals at least 5 days a week and there is little excuse for me to not follow suit. I feel like such shit after filling myself with bread and cheese and then instead of taking responsibility for myself i sit in wonder as to why i feel like i need a nap after 8 hours of sleep and an intense yoga practice in the morning. Laziness is so frighteningly easy and it's a shame that so much of our constant stimulation in the media applauds being a lazy chud with easy to microwave options within arms reach. Fuck Egg McMuffins™, i want duck confit with a white wine reduction and a side of organic steamed vegetables.
 * Saving money and practicing a bit of frugality. This is really a no brainer. I spend far too much of the little money i have on nothing of lasting value. This doesn't mean the denial of having fun and going without but it does mean refraining from spending that $25 on a meal i could have cooked at home and putting said money into savings for a trip or a great book or some nice clothes. Money can create such a prison-like state and I am SO tired of thoughts pertaining to how much money i have left and how long it will be until i get more of it. I will however take heart in the fact that i have NEVER held a credit card and have no desire to do so. Also, i am for the most part, debt free. No student loans, no massive bills, no money owed to the mafia. Just rent and utilities and that's pretty freeing. Someday soon i will experience total financial freedom where none of these money worries even enter my mind, but until then i need to do the work in order to get there and that includes not being a money-dummy.
  So yeah, these are a few of my recent wish fulfillment thoughts. I don't think they're at all unreasonable, and in fact they are totally available to me RIGHT NOW! This is the beauty of intention setting. There's nobody there to tell you how or why you should do anything for any reason. It's yours and yours only. You can set your goals to be as big or small as you feel capable of committing to and the only person you can blame for your failure to do so is yourself. What could be more freeing than that? 
So what are your goals and/or intentions my friends? What are you going to do to change your life and mind? Share in the comments below, and in the meantime take a lesson from these cool cats.....
Thank you i love you! 


  1. thanks for the inspiring words Nathan! I'm getting on my intentions right away.

  2. Nathan, oh my dear sweet Namastathan. I feel the fire in your heart, and I feel it ignite the fire in mine. I sense your determination. I admire your spirit. You are a powerful writer and a deep, hilarious, loving person.

    I am glad to know you and I hope we are friends forever.

    DO IT. Do it all. All of it!
    PS. I will never call you a sell-out.