Finally! I've been waiting for this moment when inspiration takes hold and allows me to dump some words into the electronic ether. I sometimes fear that I'll run out of things to say or that I'll just lose steam and eventually abandon this model of communicating/gut spilling. But that old familiar feeling of pressure in the chest began to grow yesterday and i knew something was coming up. It's not entirely certain what I'd like to share today but I have an idea. It's been a full few weeks and I've been somewhat busy occupying myself with work/magazine stuff and friends and shows and girlfriend canoodling. All stuff that deserves a word or two but you know how it is, we live and we get caught up in stuff, In our heads and otherwise until it's time to spill it.
Near the end of January I was lucky enough to "attend" a show by one of my favorite bands. One of my closest friends bought me a ticket to see Ween and believe me, it was a "thing to do before i die" kind of experience to have, being that friend Nate Z and i have been fans of this band for nearly 20 years. Many a good time has been spent going off on their tunes and over the years their sheer musical ridiculousness has become part of our friend repertoire, smoking weed and listening to Pollo Asado, laughing like a couple of school children until our belly's tapped out. And so it was with great excitement that we finally got the chance to see the band live. I was pumped, i was ready and i was even commissioned to write the review for the show, gaining an extra ticket in which i gave to my lovely Britt as she too is a fan. Well as fate would have it i got a little too amped up because i drank my damned face off. Way too much and way too fast. 4 songs in it was clear that i had fucked up as the Orpheum started spinning and everyone around me resembled alien-like static forms of their true selves. Then came the vomit and soon i was home. Good job Nathan, but on the same note a good job goes to Gene Ween for being equally as fucked and train wrecking all over the place making for what some would call a disappointment of a night. Though i didn't miss a technically amazing show due to Geners over indulgence i still missed an experience that i would loved to have shared with my people while in a better head space. If anything my disappointment lies there and ends there. But as things usually go there is a positive to be had within the mess of vomit and next day head-aches. I managed to pull off a pretty confident piece of writing about this show that i missed and as well i also was reminded of just how much i LOVE my fantastic girlfriend Britt. Without skipping a beat the girl was hoisting me out to the lobby and taking good care of me, ordering staff around to get me napkins and glasses of water which i drank and promptly puked back up. She took me home and nurtured me into bed where she lay with me until dawn when I had to get up for work. She was awesome and gave me more reason to believe beyond a shadow that she is a keeper to the end, not that there was any doubt. But sometimes it takes being in a vulnerable position where your partner takes care of you when you realize just how lucky you are. I am extremely fortunate to have her in my life.
This was also a time of many birthdays. My friend and co-worker Vanessa, my father and my room-mate Erica all celebrated another spin and the celebrations we had for both Erica and Vanessa featured some of the most rousing versions of Happy Birthday that i have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Singing loud, strong and proud with excellent friends who love the shit out of each other filled my heart with a joy that continues to resonate like an echo working overtime. This is the spice of life, these friendships and relationships that we keep and the things we do to make them stronger. To think that i spent even a second playing the victim, hiding out from grand experiences for fear of looking like a nerd or not fitting in, at times even in my own home. No more.
My magazine stuff started up again in January and none too soon. Though i was occupying myself pretty well with this blog writing i was beginning to miss spinning words about music. But the Winter break was good for me and i noticed that because i spent time writing from a free-hand different perspective my magazine work got tighter and more effective. Through writing i became a better writer. Something has changed and i like it. This morning i Facebook posted a CD review that i felt pretty proud of and the feedback so far has been amazing. In a few short hours my post has made its way to band members, PR folks, family and friends as far as Montreal and I'm just sitting here kind of aghast. I mean, in my eyes it's really nothing. Some band made a record that resonated and i wrote the words that came from my gut and heart. It took little effort aside from that yet I'm being applauded for offering up what a couple have said is the best they've seen from me yet. I guess it still kind of amazes me, this stuff that i do. To say i feel humbled is an understatement. I mean yeah, I might be bragging a little bit, but i think I've earned the privilege of a pat on the back from time to time. I love what i do and i guess it's showing. I'm just so happy that i can offer these words in trade for hearing some of the mind numbingly awesome art these people have to share. Without them I'd have little to write about aside from my earthly existence and goings on which some of you deem worthy of reading about, and i thank you for that. Seriously. It means the world to me.
So I've been thinking about some stuff over the last couple of days, taking stock and putting into perspective the elements that keep me interested and make life worth living. The tales I have told above are in part to do with this as well as a few recent bits that have gotten me to pondering.
I have made no secret about the appreciation i have for my friends, family and home. Every day there are moments that open me up and give me reason to keep going strong. Even when i am at my shittiest i can count on at least one ingredient that makes the whole mess taste gourmet. Doubling over with laughter as i work shifts with Vanessa or Lyndsay, 2 girls that i LOVE to make laugh and who aren't afraid of my sometimes very crude and very random humor. Staying up past 1AM with my roomie Shawn Luco, playing games, drinking vodka and watching you tube vids when i should be in bed with an early start ahead. Walking up to my Britt's apartment and seeing her working away at her craft table, her shock of red dreads and white alabaster skin giving me a charge in the heart and grin on the mouth. Did i mention that i am totally fucking in LOVE with that girl? Well it's true, i am. Hanging out with my folks and Nate Z on dads birthday sharing laughs, food and togetherness. Working a job i really really love with and for people i really really love. Writing. Fucking. Feeling ultimately free spirited. These are things that keep me feeling rich and young and happy.
But there is more to it than that. There is more freedom and more happiness to be had. Though i enjoy my job it is SO not what i want to be doing in the long run. Slinging lattes and delivering the Straight at 45 is not my ideal and i refuse to accept that reality. Making just enough money to pay my way through life and maybe save up for a trip once in a while is SO not what i see as my ideal, as lovely and easy as it feels at present. I'm 36 and am now just discovering what makes me tick happily. I am working that and following the direction of its forward momentum and that's all fine and good. But i want more.
I choose more.
I am lucky to have some incredible forces in my life that remind me of the human potential almost every day and it is because of them that i have been thinking about stuff.
The wheels really started spinning yesterday when pally Nate Z posted this.....
I love this guy a lot and haven't a scant of doubt that he's well on his way to the life he deserves and wishes to have. This video resonated with me on many levels and i think it's the simplicity of it all. Happiness and success are so easy to reach for. The only thing that makes it hard is calling the work 'hard'. As a result i have chosen to enrich my life even more by tapping into the sources that feed and bring me joy. Even if i don't make my millions by lifes end i will have lived fully, which is SO much more than can be said for a lot of people out there. Of course, making shit loads of cash doing what i love to do will be nice as well. When i have a family of my own I certainly want to be able to provide both a stable heart and home for them. Kind of like this guy and his family....
I love these people a lot. I don't even know them personally but have watched in their daily video blogs as they've gone from working mundane jobs to living very comfortably in a short amount of time, doing what makes them happy. For over a year i have felt kind of like a side stage witness to their life put online for the world to see, their wonderful marriage and well adjusted children acting as a model for so many. If i could have a life half as active and laughter filled as this guy, i would call myself a success. I am honored to "know" them. I am thrilled to watch as they grow. A million plus viewers can't be wrong, right?
And I am so fortunate to have a woman in my life who reminds me of the simple pleasures. Her crafty ways and ability to vibrate with happiness so easily keeps me on my toes and in my heart. She loves building things out of fabric, yarn and paper and the lives she touches are forever altered. She is filled with life and love and if i could be half as joyous as she can be over a half knit stocking then my easy passage through life is imminent.
These folks, experiences and more have given me so much reason to live longer, push harder and to be stronger. I have spent way too much time lamenting about my losses and about stupid shit like rainy days and lost objects. I won't say life is too short, because i don't really think it is. But i do think it's too precious to waste on being a victim and ignoring the simple call toward happy living. It's really not that hard. I am discovering this more all the time.
And with that i bid you a good night and much happy joy hunting.
As always...thank you....