Thursday, December 2, 2010

Reflections on a life better lived

2 years ago i had too much hair on my head, too much snow on the ground and way too much pain in my heart. 2 years ago i was waking up most mornings with a sigh, heaving myself through the day with the faint glimmer of relief knowing that whenever i got finished with my work day that I'd be able to park myself in front of the computer and smoke myself to sleep. 
 I don't mean to paint a picture of desperation and hopelessness here. I was far from suicidal or clinically depressed, but i think it was the closest i ever got to experiencing a bottoming out. Fresh from a year of heartbreak, insomnia, and the fallout from a brazened and random physical attack by a couple of drunk thugs i was moving through some dark days. That Winter we got snow-dumped and what i had hoped to be an adventurous week off of work turned into my being stuck inside waiting for the big melt. It had its moments....but man.....i think to back then and look at my heart now. 
I am so grateful!
For health.
For fine friends.
For a love supreme.
For those shining moments......
Like when i see my friend Vanessa and we share boundless love.
Like whenever my friend Audrey smiles with her heart.
Like when i wake after a sound sleep with my lover.
Like getting excited over buying a treat for a loved one.
Like being 36 and still being able to rock out and fully enjoy music.
Like pictures that make me feel "holiday-like"
Like the smell of this particular Christmas tree in her apartment, and how she will get up in the morning with the purpose in mind to "go check out the tree".

Point being, I feel like i have a lot to be thankful for. More than i can express in one stupid blog post. There are a myriad of ways every day and I'm not going to bore you with it.
Point being, I am happy to be here right now. Life feels rich and full and interesting and full of flavor.
There's no more time for this frowny shit.
So, as i am fond of saying....thank you, i love you!


  1. i'm happy for u Nathan :)

  2. You are an amazing person. Just seeing you makes me smile. I hope you know thatyou have such a positive affect on people. You are just lovely!! <3