There is something to be said for presence.
The quiet cacophony of your surroundings can lend such profound stillness to the mind.
I open my balcony door and sit.
And I listen.
I gaze wide eyed at everything around me yet I focus on nothing at all. And I am present.
The snow capped mountains in the distance with their juicy coating of sun fed marmalade glaze makes my heart swell but then my eyes catch the big city buildings just a stones throw away, the light bouncing off of them creates a weird beauty.....their magnificence is palpable.
These cities we live in truly are the modern day wilderness, and I'm not saying that's comparable or preferable, but when you have the chance to sit back and really stare into the abyss, they really can be quite beautiful and awe-fully peaceful.
I have this view from my porch where I can safely feel nestled in a neighbourhood replete with children being children, beautiful wind chimes chiming, bbq's beckoning me to crash 'em, dozens of varied birds croo-caw-trilling, and adults adulting as they put their garbage out or yell to one another from their multi-unit east van dwellings about the cool thing they built or did that day.
It's a life and we're all in it together up here on the pleasant mount away from the city.
12th avenue is an asshole who only stops being an asshole for a couple of hours in the 24 hours we have available to us. Like an unruly 2 year old who will never stop being an unruly 2 year old animal, this street never stops moving. Usually it's the din of traffic between 5:30am-3am that is the constant soundtrack, with guest appearances from the multiple ambulances, the odd car that skips a curb, spreading hard plastic bumper shit all over the place, and every once in a while there's a racoon fight or some other such animal getting their ass kicked by a speeding vehicle.
Side note; Last night I was fascinated by the guy who parked his vehicle in the middle of 12th to puke out of his window for nearly 10 minutes. He was loud. He was in a bad way. He was in a Lexus. And I was amazed that it was only 11:30pm and there was no traffic, as though the waters had opened up for this wealthy feller to do his business, wipe his chin, and then move on.
Indeed, this is an interesting neighbourhood to live in.
That said, it ain't my former Franklin street home with its constant industrial white noise, prostitutes and johns strolling by, wafts of dead chicken smell from the factory down the road, screaming junk hungry junkies, or delivery trucks loading at 4am.
But it has its perks.
To be honest, I feel very fortunate to be here.
I'm sitting at my computer and in my right ear is the 12th ave party that rarely stops, but underneath my feet in the apartment below is a girl who I love immensely, who encourages me to be who I want to be and who loves me even when I act like a poop and get caught up in the never ending cycle of head traffic.
Behind me is a water filled glass home where 3 fish live, and they teach me every day to keep being vibrant, to keep swimming, and to be excited just because.
To my left are the mountains. And the richly dense culture of humans living in my vicinity. And a crappy apple giving tree in our yard that is currently displaying beautiful blossoms, as it does every year. And wind chimes. And the gigantic sentient tree across the way that I swoon over every time I gaze upon her.
So.....maybe life dealt a knuckleball or 3. Maybe you have the flu. Perhaps you're paying too much rent and just lost your job. You might be a new and unwilling parent and your jerky kid is pissing you off. You might be in a tumultuous relationship that has to end but you can't do it because you're too fucked up to deal or too needy to know how to.
Or maybe you're just mad at everything, sometimes.
Yeah....me too, sometimes. That's life.
Shit can be tough.
Personally, I hate working. I hate the time work eats up because I'd rather be digesting the present moment and investing in the things that make my soul sing, all the time.
Obviously I'd rather be looking at pretty trees, writing words, gaming, sleeping until 10am, and punching in to work for the minimum allotted hours humanly available.
But that's not my life at this very moment, and while I'm getting all lost in the fact that this isn't my existence, I'm losing precious time not giving presence to punching in and paying attention to the good details.
Indeed, there really is something to be said for presence.
And I don't want to lose any more time.....