A Love Letter

                               

As we spend our last hours together surrounded by this silence and natural beauty my thoughts turn to the insurmountable love that I feel for you. These emotions speak volumes, far more complex than I could ever pen to paper, far deeper than the waters that slap against the rocks below my feet.

I came to you with an open heart and you received me without question, folding me into your arms and like warm fresh dough I submit to your kneading fingers.

With every breath I am shaped by you and with every passing moment I remember how much I need you as well.

You offer me solace and peace of mind. You demand that I slow my flow. You see to it that I accept the gifts you bestow upon me and you never want for anything in return but respect.

You speak to me in a thousand tongues, each repeating the mantra “Listen, breath, welcome back to yourself.”

And so I heed your sage wisdom. I bathe in the medicine that you so freely give. I throw myself against the threshing floor and allow myself to be stripped clean until I am standing before you, naked as the day I came tumbling into this world and as I shall exit as well.

You do all of this and more without lifting a finger, nay, you stand naked before me with bliss written all over your body, and as a student to his master I lay prostrate at your feet repeating the mantra “Thank you, thank you, thank you”

This divine love comes only when she beckons and I answer the call. The time in between our union is far too long but you never stand in judgement of my absence. Instead you embrace me as a parent would a child and you continue your teachings as if no time had come between us at all.

You never compare my failings to my triumphs as they are all the same to you. You never stop showing up when I lose my centre, in fact you only up your efforts to show me more. Standing naked before me as the day you came and naked you shall remain until the end of time.

I feel fear in leaving you again because this gentle roar in my ears will be replaced with the roar I sought to escape in the first place. I fear that the utter peace that courses through my veins will once again be sullied by the clutter of daily life. I fear that every waking second will no longer be a breathing in and out of you and that if I cast my mind away for a moment then I will be cast adrift and lose my way. But even as these fears invade this peace you are here to remind me that you will never leave my side, and even if I should fall into the darkest places you will be there to guide me home. Even as this dull ache creeps in at the thought of us parting ways you are here to remind me to “Listen, breathe, come back to yourself.” be it on the winds whispering, the high-end thrum of a hummingbird, or the gentle slop-plop of waves forever carving their initials into the rock beneath my feet. Your thousand languages and multitude of dialects forever carving their initials into my soul.

You have taught me profound and beautiful things in our time together, be they reminders held for life or simple life hacks that are beneficial only when we are together. You have provided a space in which to sink deeply into my spirit and an opportunity to connect deeply with my favourite human. You have welcomed us into your world, showing your magnificence with unashamed pride and have even brought your kin around to share in their own medicine.

I remain forever grateful to those who graced us with their fleeting presence and reminders of who truly rules the roost.

And as I sit on this man made deck, overlooking a world that some men could not make rhyme or reason of I feel longing. I miss you already and yet we have not parted. I want to continue to bask in the depths of your wisdom, to listen to your thousand voices, to stare in slack jawed wonder as one of your many children share their age old gifts by simply being, to reach into myself and practice patience in something as simple as building and maintaining a good fire, to keep this silence with me forever, to breath in the natural perfume you exude that shifts with the change in breeze, weather, or temperature.

I want to remain in your safe embrace and leave the cold harsh angular edges of city life behind forever.

But again you remind me that you have not and will not leave me. Your spirit remains entwined with mine, and among the thousand languages you speak and the multitude of dialects you shamelessly flaunt I hear one clear voice resonating like a glass bell, “Remember to always listen, breathe, and come back to yourself. That is where you will find me”

And I close my tear filled eyes, place a hand on my heart and respond, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, I love you!”

Yours,

Nathan